Understanding the Cultural Lens

Before diving into practical tips, it’s helpful to remember: everyone’s social behavior is shaped by their upbringing, education, and environment.

It may not only be your home country that shaped you, but also other countries you have lived in before. Or perhaps one (or both) parents came from different cultures, and you picked up some of their habits or perceptions.

What feels “normal” to you may feel unusual – or even uncomfortable – to someone else. This doesn’t mean one approach is better than the other – it simply means there are different ways of connecting.

Why It Feels Different: Social Norms Compared

Many internationals arrive in Belgium with a social mindset focused on openness and spontaneity. For example:

International cultures often value:

• Finding common ground quickly
• Spontaneity and informal meetups
• Sharing personal stories early
• Varied physical contact (hugs, kisses, etc.)
• Taking initiative in conversations

In contrast, Flemish social culture tends to focus more on:

Flemish tendencies:

• Building trust over time
• Strong, established friend groups
• Planned interactions rather than spontaneous ones
• A more reactive social style (less likely to initiate conversation)
• Clear roles in social situations

Understanding this difference is key: It’s not that Flemish people don’t want friends – they just build friendships differently.

How to Connect with the Flemish

Here are some practical tips that can make a real difference:

1. Take it slow

In many cultures, asking for someone’s phone number right away feels natural. In Flanders, it can come across as too direct.

Instead, suggest something specific:
“Would you like to grab a coffee here next week?” or “I am going to the after-work drinks with the IHL, would you like to join me?”

Small, gradual steps are more comfortable and often more effective.

2. Accept a bit of (situational) awkwardness at first

Silences, slower conversations, or less expressive reactions are normal.

Don’t overinterpret them or take them personally. It’s often not disinterest, it’s just a different communication style.

3. Share first, don’t wait to be asked

Flemish people often avoid asking personal questions because they don’t want to seem intrusive.

This means you may need to offer information about yourself first and ask direct – but friendly – questions in return.

4. Give practical compliments

Instead of general praise, make your compliment useful and specific:

“I like your earrings – where did you get them?”

“That was a great presentation – how did you approach it?”

This opens the door for conversation in a natural, comfortable way.

5. Show your intentions

A common concern among Flemish people is that internationals will eventually leave.

If you’re planning to stay for a while, communicate this. It can make people more open to investing in a friendship.

One question you can ask a Flemish person is “How do you say ‘X’ in your language/dialect?”. This question is more often than not a great starting place to build a connection with the Flemish, and it shows your willingness to learn the language.

Or you can tell them something that you noticed about Flemish and ask them to help you understand. For example, “I heard someone say speculoos and another person say speculaas, what’s the difference?”

Speak Like a Local: Language Builds Connection

You don’t need perfect Dutch to connect – but learning informal, everyday language makes a huge difference.

It shows effort, openness, and willingness to integrate.

Even small phrases can help break the ice:

“Hoe is’t?” (How are you?)

“Wat een weer, hé!” (What weather we’re having!)

“Goe en met u?” (Good, and you?)

These expressions are more of what you hear on the street between friends, not necessarily what you will learn in a classroom setting. The more casual way of speaking is a great way to connect with Flemish people and learn about the local dialect.

You can learn phrases like these and more casual conversational Flemish in our Bite of Dutch sessions.

What Internationals Bring to the Table

Connection is a two-way street.

Internationals often bring strengths that are incredibly valuable in social settings:

• Curiosity and openness
• Willingness to try new things
• Cultural exchange (especially through food!)
• Spontaneity and initiative

Don’t hide your culture, share it. It’s often the starting point for meaningful connections.

A Note for the Flemish Community

While this article is aimed at internationals, connection works both ways.

If you’re Flemish and open to meeting new people, a few small changes can go a long way:

• Be curious about different cultures
• Take small initiatives in conversations
• Be open to spontaneity

Understand that internationals may need to rebuild their social network from scratch

Friendships don’t need years to become meaningful – they just need openness.

If you're curious about getting more involved with the international community, we recommend becoming a welcome host in our Ambassador Program. Here, we match newcomers with friendly Leuven locals (internationals and Belgians alike!) who can share tips, answer questions, and help you settle in.

Final Thoughts

Building friendships in a new country takes time, patience, and a bit of courage.

In Flanders, connections may develop more slowly, but they are often deep, loyal, and long-lasting.

So if you’re an international in Leuven, feeling stuck:

• Keep showing up
• Keep reaching out
• And keep being yourself

Because meaningful connections are possible, you just need the right approach.

Looking for more support? International House Leuven offers workshops, events, and resources to help you build your network and feel at home faster. Check out the upcoming activities here.