What Is Identity Loss?
When you move abroad, your surroundings, customs, and expectations change dramatically. You work to fit into a new environment while also holding onto pieces of your old life.
As you integrate into your new country, you might notice your old self slipping away. A holiday passes uncelebrated. Ingredients for a favourite dish are hard to find. The small, familiar details that shaped your sense of belonging begin to fade.
Over time, as you build new routines and traditions, parts of your old identity may feel distant, and this can bring a deep sense of grief.
What Does Grief from Identity Loss Feel Like?
Grief isn’t only about losing a loved one. It can arise whenever you lose something meaningful, a job, a community, a familiar rhythm, or even parts of yourself.
For internationals, rejection often plays a role in this grief.
- You might feel distant from people back home who say you’ve changed too much.
- You might feel like an outsider in your new country for not knowing the language or customs.
This can create the painful sense that you don’t fully belong anywhere.
Larissa Ernst, founder of Satori Health and moderator of the workshop, described identity loss as “a kind of death”, but she reminded us that those parts of ourselves still exist.
“When you hear your mother tongue, taste a familiar dish, or listen to music from home, that part of you comes back,” Larissa said.
She also noted that people often struggle with contradicting feelings. We tend to think, “You either feel this or that, not both.” But the truth is that many internationals hold both emotions at once:
- I miss home, and I’m excited about my new life.
- I wish I could see my family more, and I’m grateful for the connections I’m building here.
Both grief and gratitude can coexist, and that’s perfectly normal.
6 ways to Navigate Identity Loss
The experience of identity loss looks different for everyone, but there are ways to navigate it with more understanding and compassion. Larissa shared several helpful approaches during the session.
1. Acknowledge and allow the loss
Sometimes we feel the loss more strongly than the belonging. At other times, the balance shifts. Instead of resisting the difficult feelings, acknowledge them. They come in waves, they don’t last forever, and they will pass.
2. Reflect on what you’ve gained
When you feel weighed down by what’s missing, look at what has emerged from your journey. Have you built new friendships, learned a new language, discovered a local food you love, or gained a new perspective on life? Recognizing your growth helps balance the feelings of loss.
3. Reconnect with your roots
When nostalgia hits, lean into it. Cook a favorite dish from home, listen to familiar music, or celebrate a tradition in your own way. Rituals can be grounding, a way to honor where you come from while embracing where you are.
4. Practice self-compassion
Give yourself permission to feel both sadness and joy. Grieving your old identity doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for your new life, it simply means you care deeply about where you’ve come from.
5. Try the “suitcase” reflection exercise
To close the workshop, Larissa guided participants through a meditative visualization.
She asked everyone to imagine a suitcase in a room.
- First, place inside the things you’ve lost: people, routines, parts of yourself, places you miss.
- Then, add what you’ve gained: new friends, skills, perspectives, experiences.
Once everything is inside, picture both sides of the suitcasem grief and gratitude, existing together. You can carry them both.
6. Connect with others
Talking about identity loss can be deeply healing. Many internationals share this experience and are eager to say, “I’ve felt that too.”
At International House Leuven, you can find connection through:
🎉 IHL social events and community gatherings
🌍 The IHL Ambassador Program (as a newcomer or host)
Finding Home Within Yourself
Identity loss is a natural part of the international experience, a reminder that growth often involves letting go of familiar parts of ourselves.
By acknowledging both what you’ve lost and what you’ve gained, you can begin to create a sense of home that travels with you.
Home is not just a place on the map, it’s the collection of connections, memories, and meanings you carry within you.