What Happens When You Lose a Parent While Living Abroad?

Mariia’s Experience

I lost my dad in July 2022 after learning he had terminal cancer. I spent that summer at home accompanying him to appointments, making fresh juices, watching our favorite movies, and talking, knowing it might be our last time together. Eventually, I had to return abroad to finalize paperwork and my life there. The choice was agonizing, but the anticipation of the end could have lasted months. I decided to visit my parents on New Year’s Eve, but I was late. Dad passed away a week before my flight. Because of the physical distance, I could not say goodbye. I did make it to the funeral and spent time supporting my mom, but the pain of being late was heavy.

This painful pattern repeated when my grandmother passed away in the spring of 2026. Physical distance kept me from attending the funeral, as I had hoped to see her during one of my upcoming trips home.

Rebecca’s Experience

Receiving the news

I lost my dad in July 2022. He was 59 years old and passed away after complications with his pancreas. He was in the hospital for 4 months before he passed, and it was an intense period of ups and downs, not knowing if my dad would make it through.

When my mom told me my dad had passed, it was a day before the final exam of my Master’s program at KU Leuven. I managed to take the exam, though I don’t remember much of it, and the next day, I flew to the U.S. to help my mom plan my dad’s funeral. It all felt so surreal.

I was lucky enough to see my dad in April 2022 in the hospital. Though I didn’t know that would be the last time I would see him, I had this feeling that it might be. Since I was living in Belgium, I knew that visiting often wasn’t much of an option.

Returning home

I was fortunate enough to go home and be there for my dad’s funeral and spend extra time with my mom afterwards. Though experiencing grief, while also feeling jet-lagged, knowing that I couldn’t stay longer because I had built a life in another country across the ocean, all made the experience that much more difficult.

The loneliness of grief abroad

I discovered that there is an extreme sense of loneliness when you lose someone while living abroad. I didn’t have my usual support network here, didn’t understand the cultural norms of bringing up grief in a social setting, and I was just so sad that I had lost my dad and felt utterly overwhelmed.

The one benefit I had of living abroad while my dad was in the hospital was being available to talk with my mom on the phone when she couldn’t sleep, thanks to the time difference between Belgium and the U.S. Being able to connect with her on the phone was a comfort when I felt there was nothing I could do living so far away.

Finding meaning through community

After a year of losing my dad, I decided to start a Grief Group at the International House Leuven. I wanted to provide a space for people who were grieving and be able to talk about it freely. I have found so much fulfillment and peace through this group and am always so honored when people come to share their experiences willingly. There’s something to be said about being in a room of people that share the language of grief.

Why Is Grief More Complicated When You Live Far From Family?

While every experience of grief is unique, many internationals face similar challenges when a loved one dies back home. Distance can make it harder to access practical support, participate in family rituals, and navigate grief alongside those who knew the person best.

Missing Family and Support Networks

When you move abroad, you often leave family behind and start over all on your own. This can be exciting at first, but when events like a family death happen, it can suddenly feel very isolating. The usual support network you relied on before is no longer there.

Even if you have built a new support network in your new home, it can feel different when none of those people knew the person who passed away.

Being in a different time zone can also feel isolating.

“There were times when I wanted to connect with family about the grief I was feeling, but had to wait quite some time for people to wake up due to the 9-hour time difference. It made me feel very lonely in my grief because I couldn’t connect with those who would understand what I was going through the most.” - Rebecca

Navigating Funerals and Goodbyes Across Borders

Not everyone has the opportunity to be present at a funeral of a loved one.

“I remember joining the funeral of my partner’s grandmother via Zoom. While it was nice to be included in this way, it also felt very distant, like we were observing from the outside, rather than being a part of the family gathering.” - Rebecca

While technology has made it possible to join from far away, it’s not quite the same as being there in person. For many people, attending a funeral is a wonderful way to say goodbye and get closure. When you don’t have that, it can leave you feeling empty and incomplete.

Returning to Daily Life Abroad After Loss

This can be one of the most difficult things to do. When you lose someone, your entire life can change, and going back to your daily life can feel shocking. It can feel especially odd when the loss impacts you so greatly, and other people seem to be moving on with their lives. This can add to the feeling of isolation.

“I tried to fight the reality and rush my grief so I could function normally, which only created more internal tension. For about six months, I struggled by forcing myself toward premature acceptance. Healing began the moment I stopped demanding quick results and simply allowed the pain to exist without trying to fix it immediately.” - Marria

Missing Out on Family Traditions and Rituals

For many families, grief is not only an emotion but also a shared cultural experience. Rituals often provide structure, comfort, and connection during difficult times. When living abroad, it may not be possible to take part in these traditions in person, which can add another layer of loss.

In Mexico, families gather for Día de los Muertos to honor loved ones through altars, food, and remembrance. In India, Hindu families often observe a 13-day mourning period filled with rituals and family gatherings. In Ireland, wakes bring family and friends together to share stories and memories of the deceased. In South Africa, funerals may extend over several days and involve large community gatherings.

While it’s possible to celebrate in your own way, a big part of these traditions is family and community-based, which can be something you miss out on while living abroad.

The Guilt of Being Far Away

Many internationals describe feelings of guilt after a loss. Some regret not visiting more often, while others feel guilty for continuing with their lives abroad while family members are grieving back home. These feelings are common, but they are often based on circumstances that were beyond our control.

“Accepting my migrant status and the reality of not living two lives simultaneously was heavy – even though it was an important realization. Distance brought inevitable guilt and looping thoughts: "Should I have called more? Should I have stayed longer?", even though logically I couldn't. I had to realize that in such moments, no amount of past actions will ever feel "enough”” - Mariia

Living abroad does not diminish the love we have for our families, even when distance prevents us from being physically present.

How Can You Cope With Grief While Living Abroad?

Creating Personal Rituals of Remembrance

Building your own rituals around grief can be a helpful way to process the emotion. What can this look like while living abroad?

“On my dad’s birthday and death date, I cook his favorite meal: steak and potatoes. It’s a nice way for me to celebrate and remember him.” - Rebecca

"I created my own ritual—writing letters to my dad because I didn't want to cut the connection off too quickly. When my grandmother passed away, I wanted something more traditional, so I went to an Orthodox church. In both situations, I didn't worry about doing things the 'right' way; I simply listened to my heart.” - Mariia

If you are looking to have a physical spot to grieve, there are many places around Leuven that offer a quiet spot for reflection. If you’d like to have a spot in the Leuven graveyard for the person you are grieving, you can request to have a small photo added to a wall, even if they did not pass in Leuven.

They request it to be a portrait photo and that the maximum height is 15cm x 10cm. You can find services that make the ceramic photos for the graveyard. Simply Google search “photo on gravestone” and you’ll find some options. Once the photo is ready, you can bring it to the Begraafplaatsen office (open during the week, daily from 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM), Kerkhofdreef 7, 3001 Leuven (at the Philips site). They will be happy to hang it for you, weather permitting.

Staying Connected to Family From Afar

Pick up the phone and call family and friends who knew the person who has passed on. Talking with them about memories and how you are feeling can help ease the pain of grief. It can be as simple as sharing something you saw that reminded you of the deceased person, or something you wish you could have told them or experienced with them.

Sharing these feelings can build a sense of connection and help with the isolation.

Finding Community and Support

Even if you have a strong community, it can be helpful to seek out specific support around grief. Joining grief groups or communities can give you the opportunity to discuss your emotions with others who have a shared experience.

“Something that I love about grief group is that I can connect with others who share a similar language of grief. It’s easy for me to talk about my grief with a group of strangers who have gone through something similar compared to a friend who may not fully understand my experience.” - Rebecca

You’re Not Alone in Your Grief

Grief can feel especially lonely when it happens far from home. Yet many internationals discover that support can be found in unexpected places: through phone calls across time zones, newly created rituals, friendships, and communities that understand loss.

While living abroad may change the way we grieve, it does not mean we have to grieve alone.

Other Resources for Grief

• International House Leuven Grief Group
• CHS
• Leuven Troost program (Check Leuven city program October-December)
• What’s Your Grief Online Community and Resources
• Local psychologists and therapists