Mariia's Experience as a Trailing Partner
Hi, my name is Maria, and I moved to Belgium in 2025. The reason: family reunification. I followed my husband, who got a PhD position in Leuven.
Before coming, I had a full and active life: office days, work meetings, plans with friends. But when I arrived, I did not fully realise how much had changed. I was in denial. I tried to continue my old life online, scheduling Zoom calls with friends (but in different time zones), and working on the same projects (but on a pro bono basis). It felt like everything was the same, just in a different place.
The first crack in that illusion came several months later. It happened when, probably for the 30th time, I answered why I was in Belgium. “My husband,” I said automatically. And suddenly, that answer made me feel uncomfortable. That surprised me: I was happy and grateful to be here, but at that moment, I somehow felt lost for the first time. Like… Where is my place in all this? And, most importantly, what about my own contribution?
The second sign came when I realised that I was spending 80% of my time in our lovely apartment. Apart from the gym and groceries, all my daily life had narrowed to the size of my laptop screen. All the social circles I had in Moscow and Belgrade were fading away. Instagram follow-ups and calls could barely change anything here.
The longer I denied that my life had really changed, the harder the crash in my self-esteem became. Finally, I needed to accept it: my life is not the same, and neither am I. When I moved, I became what is called a trailing partner — although I only learned the exact term for this later, when I started writing this article. But, even though it is a relief to name this experience, I do not like the label itself. It sounds a bit passive (still in denial, apparently).
What is a Trailing Partner?
For the full picture:
A trailing partner is a person who moves to another country to join a spouse or partner who got a job or study opportunity abroad.
According to the Internet, trailing partners typically face these challenges: they can feel lonely, lose their routine, have problems finding work, face language barriers, and become dependent on their partner. It can also be hard to build a new social life.
True story.
We can feel lonely and as if we have become smaller. And all of this is scary to admit. Also, after a move like this, life can look very different for each partner. One may already have work, new people around them, and a built-in structure for this new life. They may also get support from HR, mentors, or colleagues. The other person is still trying to find their place. Some of us do not have a work permit (my situation), or need to stay at home with children.
But I am not here to complain. Facing reality was very important. It pushed me to finally let go of my past and look at myself differently. To rethink who I am, what gives me support, and how I want to live here. I decided not to be just the following partner, but a co-creator of our new life.
Tips for Navigating Life as a Trailing Partner
Here is what is actually helping me on this journey:
1. Coming back to real life (bye-bye online)
I started my own running club. At first, my reason was a bit selfish — I wanted to run and talk at the same time. But our circle is growing, and month-by-month, I am meeting new friends. When you finally leave the apartment and proactively talk to people, life starts to open up again. Sometimes it brings friendship, daily support, or unexpected help.
2. Rebuilding a sense of future
Another important step was building a future again. I’m applying for a master’s programme, because I believe education can help me enter the job market here. I also started learning Dutch. So it might be helpful to create a plan that gives some direction.
3. Finding support through volunteering and learning
Workshops, volunteering, and language practice helped me a lot. They gave me structure, meaningful activity, and networking. Oh, and they also gave me something important: a reason to leave the apartment again.
4. Trying new things that bring confidence back
I also started saying “Yes” to challenges outside work. My first 10K running race is coming in April. I joined my first salsa marathon, and I am even thinking about doing a 101-km walk challenge next year. These things may seem small, but they help me feel strong, capable, and more like myself again.
So, I am still figuring it out. But little by little, this new life is becoming mine too.
Connect with Mariia
Would you like to connect with Mariia? You can find her on LinkedIn here.