Flemish Social Background
To understand the social tendencies of locals, you must first understand the history of Belgium. Because of Belgium’s significance on the European stage, many internationals relocate to Brussels to work in politics or receive education in Belgium to kickstart their career at the European Union or Commission. Some of these internationals make the full leap in making Belgium their permanent home, but others, like exchange students and temporary workers, often view it as a temporary residence.
Brussels is renowned as a city of ‘bubbles,’ where internationals often seclude themselves inside international groups, or their own nationals. In cities like Leuven with a large commuter population, or with KU Leuven’s strong ties to the EU capital, these effects ripple throughout the country.
Conversely, many Flemish people are raised in a relatively homogenous environment from a young age and hold strong ties to their fellow classmates. As they continue into higher education or transition into work, many stay close to their home cities. The week of my arrival in Leuven to begin my studies, I was awoken on a Friday morning to the rhythmic noise of suitcase wheels on cobblestone: local students taking the train home to visit friends and family back home, as well as receive cooked meals and freshly done laundry, hence the large suitcases full of dirty laundry. This was my biggest culture shock. When Americans attend university, we often do so in different states, or at least hours separated from our families. We visit home for holidays, but the rest of the time, our campus is our new home, thus, forcing us to befriend our peers and create new social ties.
While it may be difficult to break through already solidified Flemish social circles at first, it’s often the initial interactions that are the hardest. Consider the following popular metaphor that compares typical social habits of countries with fruits: the United States is a peach culture; people are soft on the outside, friendly, and easy to get to know initially. However, it's harder to break through the inner circles and develop tight-knit friendships. Belgium, on the other hand, is a coconut culture; the people tend to have a tough exterior and are difficult to open up. But once you get through the hard exterior, they are welcoming, kind, and reliable friends.
Integration into Social Culture
On countless instances, my Flemish friends have vented about the unreliability of international friends. Their hesitancy is understandable: they see little benefit in engaging in relationships with erasmus students and internationals who will leave in a few years. Conversely, this causes internationals to nest inside their bubbles, as they worry that they will be left friendless as the weekend rolls around. It’s not uncommon for me to speak with internationals who have never interacted with a native Belgian.
You may think: if Belgium is so accommodating to internationals, then why integrate into Flemish society? This would be a grave mistake, especially if you wish to call Belgium your future home. Many of the affinities I’ve formed with the Flemish have been some of the most reliable and eye-opening relationships. While Flanders residents are often humble and soft-spoken, don’t let that fool you into thinking that they don’t also know a good time: with a bustling bar scene, tons of sporting events, and arguably the best music festival in the world, they have plenty of outlets to let loose.
However, if you wish to make inroads toward social integration, you should be aware that the Flemish often have a ‘social calendar.’ Meetups are usually scheduled far in advance and rarely spontaneous, which is quite a contrast to countries where socializing is impromptu.
While language won’t likely be a barrier to relationships with younger demographics, learning the language is still an important step to understanding the nuances of Flemish culture and breaking through predominately Flemish social groups. Meeting locals is a great way to put your language skills to the test and prove your willingness to integrate into Belgium. Learning about other cultures also provides you an opportunity to take a deeper dive into your own identity: what have you always considered as normal about your upbringing that isn’t typical elsewhere? Which parts of local culture do you resonate with more than your own?
Meetups, Events, and Resources
Because spontaneous conversations with locals are rare, meeting new people can be an uphill battle. Luckily, there are plenty of opportunities with the International House Leuven and through other online sites to befriend new people.
International House Leuven Resources: The International House Leuven hosts numerous events to facilitate new local connections. Furthermore, you can sign up for IHL’s ambassador program where newcomers are paired with welcome hosts. While not every match is with a local Belgian (sometimes an international resident of Leuven), it’s a good starting point to broaden your network.
Meetup: Meetup is an online platform dedicated to hosting events in cities around the world. It’s a useful tool for internationals to get plugged into their city. In my first few weeks in Belgium, I attended several meetup events, including a board game night, a bar crawl, and a sports club. Meetup is in particular a great starting point; many of the friendships I’ve made have led to other social circles outside of Meetup. IHL has a Meetup group of over 2,000 members and hosts many events that you can RSVP to there.
Attend City Events: Most larger cities in Belgium have websites with a detailed list of free events, such as concerts, cinema nights, and local markets.
Bumble: While dating apps are certainly an unorthodox method of initiating friendships, I used Bumble’s “BFF” mode to meet locals looking for new connections. Most of the time, these meetings included a casual, post-school/work drink. On the app, you can customize your profile to include your interests to find talking points and common shared activities to participate in.
Join a Sports League: In Belgium, weather is no excuse for staying active (otherwise, we would all be homebodies)! There are a plethora of sporting groups to join at various gyms and clubs, and locals frequent these places. You can often find levels ranging from absolute beginner to advanced in sports like tennis, football, yoga, and cycling. Team sports tournaments are particularly a great way to meet new people.
Everyday Conversations: While small talk is rare in Belgium, I’ve formed a couple of connections with locals from impromptu conversations. Here’s some starters:
- Complaining about something. I’m serious. Belgian bureaucracy, taxes, delayed trains, or the weather. Finding out what locals complain about gives you a glimpse into their social world. Believe it or not, choosing a scapegoat for your problems is often a way that central Europeans feel interconnected and express humor, and there are effective strategies to do it. It turns out that bonding may not always be about finding a shared love of something, but also a shared hatred!
- Instead of Googling something, ask for help. From the bus timetable to the best restaurants nearby, you never know where your next friendship will form. If you are choosing to learn Dutch, use it as an opportunity to practice, and mention that you are learning, otherwise expect they will switch to English to accommodate you.
- If a conversation is going well, ask them to grab a beer sometime (it is the best in the world, after all). Your effort may not be successful the first time around, but it signals your openness to continue the relationship. Keep in mind that it is common to pay in rounds for drinks (i.e. you get the first round, and they get the second one). This is not the Netherlands where you should be expecting a Tikkie (a Dutch app for splitting bills).